Not a fanfic
by Number1KurtHummelFan
Summary: This is NOT a fanfic. I moved to Arizona and my freind buildmeapyramid sent me an email with 100 things she loves and misses about me. I just want everyone to know how wonderful and amazingly special she is.  I cried


**1****0****0 ****T****h****i****n****g****s ****I ****L****o****v****e ****a****n****d ****M****i****s****s ****A****b****o****u****t Number1KurtHummelFan**  
>1.) Your freckles are just downright adorable.<br>2.) When you wear one of your foofy sleeveless coat things, you like to grab the ends and run down the hall looking like a wanna-be Batman.  
>3.) You're ridiculously obsessed with gay men.<br>4.) When you see two hot guys making out you stop and stare instead of saying "Ew!"  
>5.) You stay up all night stalking celebrities on the Internet.<br>6.) You text me extensive rants about how much you hate various family members.  
>7.) You sing "Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me" in the shower.<br>8.) You fervently deny reading any porn whatsoever and yet I very vividly remember you showing me a story on your iPod (in public, I might add!) talking about Blaine's hairy chest and Kurt's nine inches.  
>9.) You invite me to your house and keep me up until all hours of the morning by squealing and smacking my arm saying, "Look at this! Look at this!"<br>10.) You made me watch a movie about a fish named Ponyo and explained to me exactly what the relationship between her and that wild-looking heathen water dude was.  
>11.) You laugh like a spaz in dead silence and sometimes you snort.<br>12.) When you give up on a guy, you shrug and giggle when I hold up my finger, grin, and say, "Back to Plan B!"  
>13.) When I text you and order you to read my latest chapter you say, "Sir, yes, sir!"<br>14.) When you stopped wearing your butterfly necklace, you didn't even blink an eye when I asked if you lost your virginity. You just laughed and said, "I get it!"  
>15.) When I texted you the letters "TDICTPOKH", you immediately knew exactly what I was talking about.<br>16.) You didn't know who Angelina Jolie was before you met me, even when I described her as "the famous chick with poofy lips that's played in like fifty badly-done spy movies where she always has at least twenty machine guns tucked into her knickers".  
>17.) You introduced me to all sorts of unhealthy addictions like anime, Glee, Drop Dead Diva (yeah I finally caved on that one, grrrr), and Moulin Rouge.<br>18.) When I said I saw Jonathan Groff's bare ass, your head shot up and you went, "WHERE?"  
>19.) You and I both didn't speak for like five hours in protest of child abuse only to realize we got the wrong day.<br>20.) You eat at places like "The Mellow Mushroom" and when I joke about the name you say, "What if they'd called it 'The Man-Eating Mushroom'?"  
>21.) You think you're intimidating when you stomp your feet, when really all it does is make scuff marks on the bottoms of those ridiculous ballet flats you wear.<br>22.) You have the miraculous ability to speed-talk for more than thirty seconds without slowing down or even breathing.  
>23.) You're incredibly poke-able. Like Swiss cheese.<br>24.) Your phone is nearly always dead or dying.  
>25.) Even though you're straight, you're like the biggest gay advocate on the planet.<br>26.) When I told you I was bi, you promised to discuss the levels of various girls' hotness with me and we ended up fanning ourselves together while looking at a picture of Scarlet Johansson in a red dress.  
>27.) You think "bastard" is still a bad word.<br>28.) You pronounce "beta" wrong.  
>29.) You nearly wet your panties when Ewan McGregor from Moulin Rouge said, "Love is like oxygen," in his British accent.<br>30.) You're completely oblivious to every great thing about yourself, like your pretty eyes or your smile.  
>31.) You watch that alchemist anime show and gush about how hot a guy with metal limbs is.<br>32.) You've read gay lemons before but until I told you, you didn't know what 69-ing is.  
>33.) When I tell you in public very loudly, "Now, don't watch any more porn, Ashlyn!" you blush and smack me and think it actually hurts.<br>34.) People stare at you and you don't even notice.  
>35.) You're always in the middle of the action, and you don't even realize it.<br>36.) When I whisper something dirty in your ear your head yanks back and I'm instantly worried I gave you whiplash with my naughty thoughts.  
>37.) Sometimes when I talk to you, you space out and stare into my eyes, and I'm forced to wonder if you're secretly harboring an unrequited love for me. It's kinda creepy.<br>38.) One minute you're so sad I'm worried you're gonna jump off a building or something, but the next you're bouncing around like you're on a deluxe pogo stick with this wild grin on your face.  
>39.) When you raise your eyebrows at me, I'm afraid I'm about to get bitchslapped.<br>40.) Whenever you see me you scream my name and start waving even when I'm only like five feet away from you.  
>41.) You only recently figured out what 8====¦)-(_o_) means. <strong>Aside<strong>: Another version is 8====¦)~~~ Care to guess what that one is?  
>42.) I've lost most of my hearing due to your incessant screaming in my ears whenever I'm around you.<br>43.) You break into song at random times, and once or twice you've even tried out your opera-singing skills.  
>44.) You'll text me things like "Madison just pooped on the carpet" at any given time.<br>45.) Bigotism and homophobia make you livid, and you're not afraid to tell other people that if they think homosexuality is wrong, they need to bug off.  
>46.) The first time you came to my house you took out your phone and started taking pictures.<br>47.) Half of the things you say are insane, but you're still not afraid to say them.  
>48.) You tried to salsa dance to "Sway" in the middle of my bedroom with another girl.<br>49.) You accept everybody for who they are.  
>50.) When we went to The Melting Pot and started cooking our food on the sticks, you lost one and screamed at the top of your lungs, "Oh my God, I lost a potato!" You have no idea how hard it was not to say, "Someone call an ambulance, we've had a miscarriage over here!"<br>51.) You never sleep. Ever.  
>52.) When I tried to teach you something in French and you repeated the words, you sounded like a drunk walrus.<br>53.) You're desperately in love with a gay man. Don't even try to deny it.  
>54.) You call <strong>me<strong> strange, but you're the one who fell off the couch laughing when Satine died and Christian started bawling his eyes out.  
>55.) You woke me up at four in the morning by putting the Glee version of "Blackbird" on repeat.<br>56.) When I told you Darren Criss had done a cover of "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?", you practically assaulted me in an effort to grab one of my earbuds.  
>57.) You laugh at all my ridiculous jokes.<br>58.) When I call you a jelly bean, you don't even bother to give me a funny look.  
>59.) You don't get pissed when I say no after you ask if I'm listening to you. You just laugh and shrug and say, "That's okay."<br>60.) You completely understand and support my plans to marry an Italian-speaking bisexual Idaho potato farmer who looks like Johnny Depp so I can listen to him speaking Italian while going down on another guy as I watch with a plateful of free mashed potatoes because I'm a freak like that.  
>61.) You love to write about gay men attempting suicide for some twisted reason.<br>62.) You completely agree that the Beatles are the kings of music.  
>63.) Every time I see you or talk to you, you mention Glee at least once per minute.<br>64.) I get extremely mad at you because you've read like every book known to man, so I can't recommend anything to you.  
>65.) I've met most of my friends through you.<br>66.) When the song "Animal" came on in the mall, you sang along (very loudly), not caring who heard.  
>67.) One of your big fears about doing a flash mob would be that you're the guy in the commercial who shows up and starts dancing and singing, only to discover it's been canceled or rescheduled.<br>68.) You put on all sorts of raunchy music when we (mostly you) were babysitting Madison and Harlow, and you danced with Madison and I danced with Harlow to "Like A Virgin" and "Push It".  
>69.) You know exactly what to say to make me laugh, and just when to duck to avoid getting smacked upside the head.<br>70.) You can go on for days about what a cocky jerk Alex is. (The Glee Project)  
>71.) You know the entire Winnie the Pooh theme song and you sang it proudly when we went to see the movie.<br>72.) You thought Sixth Sense was scary until me and Draven cracked up laughing at it at that sleepover.  
>73.) You'll wake me up with texts about seeing Chris Colfer in an interview.<br>74.) You sent Maddie on all these ridiculous errands (finding her pacifier, tickling Tom, etc.) so she wouldn't see that video we were watching of Tom Felton on Conan with those yummy Drarry pics.  
>75.) You awwww-ed with me when I showed you those pictures of the first gay couples to be married in New York after the bill passed.<br>76.) You still tell people about the time in the cafeteria when I did the Chicken Dance.  
>77.) You send me poems and fics all the time.<br>78.) You eat weird things...like Red Vines.  
>79.) At that one sleepover we stuffed all the leftover pizza in my bag and snuck it into the movies.<br>80.) You became my best friend on like the first day we met. You're just the type of person that everyone loves instantly.  
>81.) You told me that at your funeral you want a rainbow coffin.<br>82.) You read so much fanfiction that your email has hundreds of updates like everyday.  
>83.) You're the peacemaker. When I'm completely inappropriate and crude, you smooth it over with a laugh and a joke.<br>84.) You told me you've been obsessed with anime since you were 5.  
>85.) You didn't even bat an eye when we were walking through the neighborhood one night and every time a car passed us I'd strike a hooker pose.<br>86.) You always bought my chips for me because I have a fear of getting in line for them myself.  
>87.) You sympathize with that monster dude Dr. Frankenstein created.<br>88.) You never make me feel bad about myself.  
>89.) You're the first friend from high school that my mom actually likes.<br>90.) You take great care of Harlow. You sing to her and change her diaper and play with her and give her kisses. You're like a mom-in-training.  
>91.) You want Chris Colfer to be your best friend (and I'll bet you want the "with benefits" part attached to the end of that too huh?)<br>92.) You acted so scandalized when that waiter heard me talking about how sexy Johnny Depp is.  
>93.) You have a very twisted mind. I think that's become pretty clear by now.<br>94.) You quote A Very Potter Musical. That means you rock my socks.  
>95.) When you call me, there's usually screaming in the background.<br>96.) There's not a single thing I can't tell you. You'd never turn your back on me.  
>97.) You say you're afraid you'll get backstabbed by a friend, but Ashlyn, there's just no way anyone would do that to you. You're too good a friend to everyone.<br>98.) You always help people as best you can, even when you don't have to.  
>99.) You always compliment me when I sing, and my ego thanks you bunches.<br>100.) I've known you for a year and I can't imagine my life without you in it. You're the kind of friend that lasts forever.


End file.
